Let me open by saying that I of all people do realize how irresponsible it is to be writing opinion pieces, when we could and should be sharing with our readers our feelings about matters in the Ukraine (Heh heh. Readers). The truth is, there is a mildly depressing feeling in the air at KHS, and I wouldn’t want to be Putin anyone in a bad mood. Besides, there are more interesting things to talk about.

March sucks. Yeah, it does. Most parents reading, provided they exist, are vehemently shaking their heads and saying one of four (4) things:

-Why wouldn’t anyone like March? It’s such a lovely month! Ah, it reminds me of when your father and I were young, March made us so happy, remember, Harold? We used to listen for birds, remember? Oh, it was so — Harold, are you listening? Harold? OH GOOD LORD, OH NO, PLEASE GOD, NOT HAROLD, NOOOOOOOOOOOOO

-What reason do you kids have to be complaining anyway? You have practically NO responsibilities. You have NO idea what it’s like to be an adult. Why, just today, I cleaned a dish, AND I thought about taxes. Why, when I was your age, I wa– AAAAAARRRRRGGGGHHHHhhhhhhhh

-Is he allowed to say ‘sucks’ on the internet without preceding it with ‘Congress?’

-If this article isn’t going to contain study tips or other in-demand life info (such as random insights into the lives of random students), is it really Rampage-worthy?

These are all really excellent questions, and they have truly made me reconsider my feelings about March.

No. No, they have not. They have not, whatsoever, and that’s okay. March is the longest month of the year, school-wise. We have a 31-day month with — brace yourself — NO EXTENDED VACATION. AT ALL. Come to think of it, do we even have one day off? I don’t know. And I don’t have fact checkers. I should go into news.

There, of course, are some good things about March. The NCAA basketball tournament, for instance, is pretty cool. There’s also the… the, uh… hmm. Um…

There are some other bad things, too, besides the large quantity of schooling. For instance, school tends to get a lot HARDER. March is generally believed to be the time of year, apparently, marking the anniversary of when all of the teachers’ home planet of Zhorlaff was destroyed, sending them hurtling to Earth, which is a bad memory for them. Also, Daylight Savings Time sets back in. You know how it’s been really cold, dark, and depressing in the morning when you get up lately? Well, this wonderful idea (Developed by the same folks who brought us the Boston accent) will make it much colder, darker, and more depressing. Awesome.

Oh wait! Yes! The musical! That is also very good, and you should go see it, if just to hear the pit drums.

Besides the good and the bad, there are some things that are just very… Marchy. St. Patrick’s day, for instance. Is it just an excuse to drink in excess? That depends. Are you a cop? Another item you can apparently drink is the classic Shamrock Shake, so named because it tastes strongly of shamrocks, and may give you the shakes (Your experience may differ).

So how do we get through March? Well, survey says we complain. But I have a different idea. After all, we are New Englanders; we need our strength to complain about much more serious things, like other New Englanders. So I have a proposition: No homework, ever, ever again. And if that doesn’t work, we’ll just have to — say, are you a cop?