STAR WARS

The Force just wants a nap

STAR+WARS

Star Wars

The Force just wants a nap

 

A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away, one family single-handedly ruined it for everyone. From galactic war to forbidden love and oh so many amputations, the Skywalkers haven’t had the easiest time in their quest to master space magic. I have elected myself to bear the metaphorical laser cross and take on the fury of the internet, burning brighter than the fires of Mustafar; to review the most recent installment in the almost forty year old story of Star Wars. For those of you who haven’t yet seen it but still seek validation for your desire to blow a couple of hours seeing the newest chapter, don’t worry. I’m not going to spoil anything until later, and I’ll make sure to mark the separation of sections appropriately.

That being said, let’s get this droideka on a roll and start the actual review before I start geeking out over the spoiler worthy material. I compare Star Wars: The Force Awakens to a lightsaber. Just like a lightsaber, The Force Awakens is undeniably Star Wars, taking the triumphs and failures of the past movies and blending them together to make something beautiful that can mesmerize you with the simplest movements, like a lightsaber’s hypnotic sway. It doesn’t need unnecessary flips and other acrobatics, but is still exciting in a grand and flashy way. It’s simple, yet beautiful, symbolizing years of entertainment bridging the gap between generations from past to present. The old characters are just how I remember them (for the most part), yet the new ones hold their own in depth memorability, and likability. I definitely recommend seeing it.

Alright, now that that’s out of the way, I’m issuing an

OFFICIAL SPOILER ALERT

for all paragraphs below this sentence.

Seriously, stop scrolling.

You’ll regret it!

Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

 

Alright, now that the nerds have stopped reading, who’s up for a party at my place? Turn up! Did I use that correctly? Anyways, I’m having trouble choosing where to even start here so I’ve decided to make a list of all the major points that I want to discuss and we’ll go through them in order in case you want to skip past some of them:

  1. Noteworthy Stormtroopers
  2. Kylo Ren
  3. Finn and Rey
  4. Ending

 

  1. Noteworthy Stormtroopers:

I include this because several Stormtroopers from The Force Awakens had either prominent roles, were celebrated by the internet, or were secretly played by very famous actors.

 

TR-8R:

Remember that Stormtrooper at the battle on Takodana after Rey is captured and fights Finn hand-to-hand against a lightsaber? And WINS?! The internet does and has since exploded in celebration of the First Order’s bravest soldier, TR-8R, named after his only line “TRAITOR!” He’s captured the minds and hearts of bloggers everywhere thanks to his undying loyalty and sick spins.

 

Phasma:

The first confirmed female stormtrooper in any Star Wars movie, as well as the first stormtrooper to hold command equal to a sith (if you can call him that), Phasma is the head captain of all the stormtroopers on Starkiller base, and thus has earned a place of esteem in this article.

 

JB-007:

If you’re asked to be in Star Wars, you say yes. It’s what you do. You could be Bantha fodder, you could be space debris, but you still say yes. This was the case for one Daniel Craig, our most recent James Bond, when he was approached to play a faceless, until recently nameless, stormtrooper with about three lines all within one scene and no credit at the end. Remember that stormtrooper in the interrogation room who gets mind tricked by Rey? That was him! From international superspy to peon, he still said yes because that’s what you do!

 

  1. Kylo Ren

I’m just going to preface this by saying that I don’t like Kylo Ren. He was alright at the beginning, but as soon as he took off the mask and I saw his pale nerd face I jumped ship. Not to say that he isn’t impressive, though. He displayed some neat new force powers like mind reading, that thing where he freezes the blaster shot in mid air, and his apparent teleportation after killing Han.

I just thought he was trying too hard to be Darth Vader and that made him much less likable, not in a good way. And I mean that in both ways, he is a character who is literally trying to be Darth Vader, but he goes about it all wrong. Rule 1 of Vaderness is to never take off the mask, which he did way before he should have, and rule 2 is to stay cool even when you’re ticked, choke out an admiral, don’t cut up some computer screens like Kylo does.

He’s just not a very threatening villain and that subtracts greatly from his character. Darth Vader didn’t even do much in episode IV, but he still made a huge impact on audiences because of how cool he acted and looked. He had presence and commanded attention just by being in the room, while Kylo has to act out like a little brat when his own underlings don’t listen to him. You know what Vader would have done? Vader would have choked a trooper until they begged to do his bidding. As a writer, I respect what they were trying to do, but as a fan, I hope they can turn him around in episode VIII.

 

  1. Finn and Rey

Contrary to Kylo Ren, I actually really liked Finn and Rey. As the two protagonists of episode VII, they go well together, becoming more like one character together than two apart. They’re both completely new to the Jedi game, one coming from, who’d have guessed, a sand planet and the other a stormtrooper gone rogue from the First Order. Of course you know this because you’ve seen the movie already, RIGHT?! I honestly don’t have any gripes about either of them, but I think that it’s important in a movie review to state one’s opinion of the protagonist(s) and antagonist(s).

I do have one thing that I really liked, though, and that’s the final battle where we finally get a lightsaber duel between Kylo and Rey (Finn wasn’t much help now, was he?) where Rey has had force powers for what, an hour? But she still beats Kylo, despite only having held a lightsaber once before. Thankfully, her inner raver comes out and she effectively whoops Kylo with her over-sized glowstick.

 

  1. Ending

This article has gone on for a while so I’ll make this brief, but I thought the movie should have ended about ten minutes before it did, either when R2 completes the map or right when they jump into lightspeed. That would have made for a much better ending than a swinging helicopter shot of Rey and Luke posing on a cliff.

 

Wrap up time!

Just as a quick overview:

-Movie was great!

-Kylo not so much

-Loved Finn and Rey

-Ending should have been shorter

-TRAITOR

 

In conclusion of this enterprise of an article, go see the movie! I’m not only talking to those of you who have spoiled it for yourselves, I mean everyone! I don’t care if you’ve seen it twice a week since release, go see it again! 10/10 will see again.