The Herd

2 Cuul 4 Schuul

Daniel Follansbehrens, Staff Writer

April 25, 2018

Filed under opedsarchive1, Satire

Alright boys and girls, it’s time we had a little talk. Now apparently some people feel that a problem has manifested itself in the very walls of Kennebunk High School, and the powers that be(th Carlson) wanted me to write an ...

Promblems

David Behrens, Writer

April 8, 2015

Filed under A Column of Modest Proposals, Satire

Not that I’m a romantic expert (as far as I know), but I take it from my sweaty palms and awkward disposition that Prom season is upon us. The high school is abuzz with rumors, a fluttering sense of apprehension, and,...

Spirit Weakness

David Behrens

March 11, 2015

Filed under Satire

  What a good time to be a senior! As you may have heard, Spirit Week is coming up, and I, for one, feel extremely confident about my chances as a member of the Class of 2015. Winning Spirit Week is just o...

Shut Up About “The Dress”

David Behrens

February 27, 2015

Filed under A Column of Modest Proposals, Satire

  This bizarre fad will last a couple days, tops, so I have to say this quick: Calm the collective heck down, society. In regards to what, you may ask? Listen to the heated debate of your smartphone-donni...

Valentime

David Behrens, Writer

February 9, 2015

Filed under A Column of Modest Proposals, Satire

Are you feeling the love, KHS? I am. It’s currently saturating the cold winter air and permeating my lungs like magic, or arsenic. It can only mean one thing: It’s almost Valentine’s Day in Kennebunk! So...

Examination Nation

David Behrens

January 20, 2015

Filed under A Column of Modest Proposals, Satire

Midterms, kids! They’re coming up! Now I know what you freshmen are thinking: Oh man, I gotta put in 30 hours for each of my CP classes and then complain to everyone who will listen about my one Honors cl...

Class Warfare

David Behrens

November 3, 2014

Filed under A Column of Modest Proposals, Satire

         There’s a nice vibe at KHS this time of year. All in all, it seems like the Fall is going really well (unless you’re a football player, touchy parent, renovation advocate, or voter). However, by th...

Turn LePage

David Behrens

October 16, 2014

Filed under A Column of Modest Proposals, Satire

The upcoming gubernatorial election is fast approaching, prompting our own fine citizens to either: a) Pretend they know about the issues and care. b) SHOW everyone EXACTLY how much they clearly care by bombarding us...

Poster Children

October 4, 2014

Filed under A Column of Modest Proposals, Satire

You may have recently seen the large, impressive posters of our football captains. They are massive, glossy rectangles depicting our senior captains frowning in an intimidating fashion (though the sad truth is that they’re jus...