Last week, Thursday the 28th, school administrators were shocked when they awoke to find what appeared to be a large gun floating above their heads. After two cups of coffee, a meeting was called at a local Starbucks to discuss what action should be taken over this obvious threat to security. Several cups later, they were awake enough to reach a decision and, in a 3 to 2 tie breaker provided in thanks to a particularly friendly barista, decided that a full day off was the safest choice for the protection of the students. An hour later, as the insurgent drifted off into the distance, it was discovered that, from a different angle, it looked a bit like Africa or South America. Shocked by this new discovery, it was decided that a letter to Donald Trump would surely help to solve the now international crisis and, three to four business days later, it was announced that, in addition to Muslims and Mexicans, Trump’s platform will now include alienation of the entire Southern hemisphere of the planet.