Do you have questions about what classes you should take next year?  Are you looking for some Valentine’s day advice? Lucky for you, The Herd welcomes back its former advice columnist, Bunky.  “Ask Bunky” is run by everyone’s favorite ram who wishes to grant the KHS student body with the best advice around.  Whether it be academic, extracurricular, or just life related, Bunky is ready to answer any questions you may have.  If you have a question for Bunky, you can email him at [email protected].  

“Dear Bunky,

I’ve got a big problem. Yesterday I was going maybe 50, 60 mph, just cruising down Cat Mousam when I blew past a state trooper. Now I’m on the hook for $300 and I haven’t worked up the nerve to tell my parents. How can I avoid getting grounded for life?”

Hello Concerned Colt!

We have all been there.  You are young, do something stupid, and get caught.  However… you have not been caught yet.  Technically, your parents don’t know anything yet- and what they don’t know won’t hurt them.  Why risk getting reprimanded?  If you are smart enough to pay your ticket off without your parents knowing, then you don’t deserve to be punished.  Personally, I think it would be most beneficial for you to come up with an elaborate lie.  If you have the money to pay for the ticket, pay it off no questions asked.  If not, find a quick way to get the money.  This could include; stealing the tires off of cars and reselling them, selling oregano to freshmen, hosting a fight and charging people to watch, etc.  

The most critical part of this operation is considering the train of word to mouth.  If you need help from friends, do not ask the ones who will tell their parents.  Keep in mind that all staff members are mandatory reporters.  

Hopefully this advice will help you discreetly get off the hook.

Best of luck, 

-Bunky

“Hey Bunkster, 

Mr. Sirois says that vaping in the bathroom is bad, but when my mitts are shaking and I’m reallyyy fiending, I need my shmule BAD. What should I do?”

Hello Fiending Friend,

According to Maine State Law, it is illegal for any person under the age of 21 to purchase or consume nicotine products…  if you get caught.  There are many things to consider about smoking at school.  Vaping is still so new that the effects of secondhand smoke remain unknown.  This puts not only your health at risk, but your classmates too.  The last thing our student body needs is exposure to secondhand smoke that could cause sporadic mutations for all we know.  

As a student of KHS, you are lucky to have resources such as staff members that care about the health and well-being of their student body.  You must have been absent from our incredibly informative vaping seminar this fall.  Believe it or not, the assembly wasn’t just for staff to determine which students vape as they left the assembly to smoke in the bathroom.  If you searched, deep within the depths of those canva slides, you would have stumbled across the importance of healthy lungs.  I hope you utilize your resources and understand the detrimental effects that vaping can have as you decide whether quitting is worth it.  

Best, 

-Bunky