Slay These Bells!

How Soon Is Too Soon For Christmas?

By Nathan Watts                  

Hark, hear the bells! Who even got them out of that box of ornaments in the basement? It’s fine, we all have one. It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas, and I haven’t even finished my Halloween candy! That’s right, folks, ‘tis the season to be dashing through the snow away from all of these premature Christmas ads! I of all people can understand the desire to put the “silver” back in “silver bells”, but this is simply too early! I say it’s time to ho ho hold it with the yuletide celebrations until we can get the leaves off of the yard, but some would argue that the open fire is ready and waiting for our chestnuts. I swear on a branch of mistletoe that not a day after Halloween there were already five Christmas ads from McDonald’s on Pandora.

You know we’re living in a diseased society when Freddie Krueger is waving goodbye to Santa with that creepy claw hand of his. At least let Charlie Brown get those rocks out of his bag before you bust out the tiny piano! It’s a real nightmare before Christmas, and I’m about ready to jump up on the rooftop with Santa and his reindeer paws so I can take Rudolf’s nose to replace the candle in my Jack-o-lantern. I’m just not ready to write another holiday history article already! It’s too soon! The three words that best describe these ads are as follows, and I quote: “stink, stank, stunk!”

That being said, I’m going to play a little devil’s advocate here. Although I suppose it should be God’s advocate, given the circumstances. Either way, the point is that our premature celebration isn’t completely a bad thing. You can say what you want about Christmas music, but it does make me feel cozy! And isn’t that what we’re all looking for in this bleak time of year, sandwiched between the leaves changing color and the first snowfall? It’s the time of year to stay inside! Take off your belt, grab some cocoa, put on an ugly sweater! Coziness is the ideal of autumn, the pinnacle of comfort! So why not just give in? Buy some eggnog a month early, get in your favorite chair, light a fire, throw on some Bing Crosby, as long as you don’t mind child abuse (look it up).

That aside, it all boils down to “who doesn’t love the holidays?” It’s the most wonderful time of the year for a reason! There’ll be parties for hosting, marshmallows for roasting, and caroling out in the… leaves. But that’s fine too, right? It’s not exactly a winter wonderland, and the blue bird’s not quite gone yet, but, given a push, we could all be out caroling by Black Friday. Perhaps all of our hearts could stand to grow three sizes. Metaphorically, of course.

So, whether you’re putting up your tree early or Scrooging out, Christmas is coming up faster than it may seem. The ghost of Christmas present may have come too early, but now the Christmas bells are ringing and likely won’t stop until the day itself comes. I wonder if they sell those chocolate calendars for November….

There are 16 references to Christmas movies and songs in this article. Can you find them all?