As of writing this, my graduation is in 26 days- just slightly less than a month. Being a person who has always struggled to get work done and succeed in school, it’s surreal to be in that final stretch and realize that the main aspect of my life for the past 13 years is ending. And while elementary and middle school didn’t matter too much, in high school grades are suddenly everything. You’re quickly pressured to plan out a path to AP/IB courses; you’re being kicked by deadlines and piled with information. Some people thrive in that. Some don’t, I sure didn’t- but does that matter? I haven’t been successful the past few years. Barely passing most classes, failing a few. I’m finishing strong right now, but I don’t really feel like there’s a reason for that. I don’t have any more drive to succeed than I have in the past- succeed on high school’s terms, at least. 

So what is success, at least in high school’s terms? Is it good grades? High Honors? Valedictorian? There’s nothing but pressure to perform, but, as we’ve seen time and time, again from valedictorians on Youtube- did it matter? Not really, they say. They didn’t get anything besides the ability to speak for their class. And for the ones who got high honors every quarter, passed every class with flying colors- for what? Admission into the college of their choice, I suppose. So they can pay 50k a year to get debt and a degree that won’t be useful for years. Despicable, isn’t it? I just can’t believe that people get out of this place and think, “yeah, time to go for 4 more years.” I haven’t succeeded academically at all, yet I don’t feel like I don’t have options. I have a career that I’m interested in that I can pursue, which doesn’t involve higher education.

I guess that’s the point, isn’t it? That everyone can choose for themselves what they want to do. College, a trade, military, etc.. Just seems odd to me that more people don’t get disillusioned with school and higher education. How is this system supposed to nurture and help kids find their interests? Barely anyone leaves school knowing for sure what they want to do for the rest of their life, and why is that? Is it because kids are indecisive and it’s a big decision? Or is it because the school system is terrible at exposing kids to many different experiences, and everyone follows the same lateral program? It’s probably both, to be fair, but every day I’m amazed at the amount of careers that I had no idea existed. Where was the exposure to these? I know you can’t expose a group to everything, but it just seems like school confines you to a pathetically small group of choices, and if you aren’t interested in any of them and your work reflects that, well screw you I guess. 

I’ve been raging at the system here for a good bit, but what parts of the school do I appreciate? Sports have always been important in cultures across the world, and I’m glad the school at least mostly does that right. I’ve enjoyed swimming competitively for years, and while I couldn’t enjoy swimming my senior year, the other 3 were a blast. Improving myself in the pool and hanging out with the team at spags, cheering each other on and succeeding at meets; it’s definitely been the best part of school. Other events too, like C building/wing block parties, wrecking up our classrooms in C building before it got torn down, playing in band concerts, messing around in the scaffolding of the theater, attending homecoming dances, walking into town in the middle of a homecoming dance, going to Canobie Lake Park freshman year, winning Southwesterns in swim, and most of all, my friends – I’d probably go insane in this place if I wasn’t able to hang out with them as much as I can. 

So what’s the end of this mean? What’d I learn? Hell if I know. I didn’t succeed. I don’t care. I suffered in class, fought in sports, laughed with friends. Despite the many things I enjoyed, there was at least as much that I didn’t – and it’s all ending. I’m moving on with my life, I’m 18 in a month and a half, I’m going to work where I enjoy over the summer and in the fall move on to what I actually want to do with my life. So yeah, lesson learned – don’t care so much, you’ll make it through. Boom.